lucky? whatever

I am in bitch mode today, on a subject for my women friends out there. You know who you are. Any woman that complains and whines they were not lucky enough to end up with larger breats obviously does not pay much attention in the stores. There is nothing like finding the perfect pair of shoes, or well the perfect bra. You know what I am talking about as everybody has their favorite one. But anyone over a certain cup size also knows how hard it is to even find a store to carry the dang things... then what do you get? White, tan, black. Leather? Lace? In your dreams. There are all these beautiful garments out there.. push up the right areas, accent for your male friend. Try and find one of those that covers even half of what they should. I'm telling ya it is a royal pain in the.. well fill in the blank. So before you go shopping for a new set of "girls" try looking around for what your gonna put on them first. May make you think twice.
All them "helpers" to make the smaller women look larger... you know what the larger women get? Ones that make you look smaller!! Huh??? How about we all be happy with what we got and you designers out there get off your backsides and make us so called lucky ones some pretty lacey accents? Sounds like a plan to me.

Angels

Have you ever noticed how you can go weeks sometimes months without talking to certain friends, yet they seem to call you at just the right time to see if your okay? Has happened a few times to me I know, and well each time kinda freaks me out. How do they know? One of em called me last night, she moved away a few years ago, so we don't talk very often anymore. As life goes ya know. But never fails that when I need to talk she calls or vice versa. And another call today from a different friend to check on me, let me know she is just two minutes away if I ever need her. She stopped by today and I didn't answer the door, so she was concerned. She just wanted to go out to lunch, but somehow she just knew at that point that something was wrong, as she puts it "You are having one of your spells." Of course she means my health but I know what she is talking about.
Now tell me there isn't angels out there whispering to those dear to you when you are in need of a friendly voice... I am sure there are just as I am sure a few of my friends are angels sent to me.

memories

As I get ready to begin the yearly decorating of the house for Christmas, as usual I go back in time. I do not spend much time thinking about my childhood, til this time of year. I always go back to that one fateful Christmas, the best and the worst Christmas of my life. Memories of decorating our tree with my parents and siblings. The chipmunks singing on the record player, my mom handing us kids the ornaments, and my dad lifting me up to put them onto the tree. I was really young, but this memory is still vivid in my mind. More so than Christmas morning itself, which is no longer really there. This was the last happy moment as a family as my mother passed on that Christmas, and well such was the end of our happy lil family. So as my own happy little family begins our decorating I relive that moment with my own mother. I thank her for that night, and wish her a Merry Christmas wherever she may be now.

Children

I have been thinking a lot lately about some of the children that were once a part of my life. Some are no longer children, but well to me they still are, as that is the age I remember them to be. Wonder why things happened as they did, which there has to be a reason right? Just not sure what possible reason there is or could ever be.
I don't talk much about the work I use to do, but I think of them kids often. Don't remember some of their names, but their eyes are still vivid in my memory. Not sure what you see when you look into a child's eyes, but I see so much. One little girl in particular just, well, haunts me is the only way I can think to put it. Absolutely beautiful little girl, she was 4 when I first met her. I worked with children whose parents had drug/alcohol addictions. I am not a counselor, I did playgroups with them. The goal was to get them to socialize and play with one another. Natural for most kids, but not all. Anyhow I won't go on about what the group was about and such.
The moment I looked into this lil ones eyes... well my heart just fell. Just the thought still brings tears to my eyes. The light was just gone, her eyes were so dark, so beyond her years. She carried such a weight within her soul, she had been through more in them short years than many see in their whole lives. I knew her for a year and a half through that group, yet never once did she ever speak. She would walk in and give a lil smile and come sit by me, she would just follow me the whole time there just watching. Well on good days, other times she would go sit by herself and stare off usually at her feet. Yet everytime when she walked in I would hold my breathe waiting for her to say hello. You just never give up hope. Such a small word I know, but think of all that lil word would have carried and meant for such a child. And today I sit here and can't help but wonder, do the teachers that work with her now hear her voice. Or is that lil girl still sitting alone against that wall?
A lot of kids came in and out of my life at that time, however honestly none of them ever truelly leave. As every child leaves an impression upon your soul.