Questioning

Ever since I was a very small child I have always believed that everything that happens does so for a reason. It would bring a greater good somehow. I even believed my mother was meant to die, I was not meant to get to know her or remember her. All that happened to me throughout my childhood lead me to be who I am now, which allowed me to understand things many others will never comprehend. My life lead me to meet my husband, have our boys, so on...
God has a reason for everything, he doesn't make our choices for us, but if we follow him he will guide us, right? He well never put more on our shoulders then we can handle.
I went through my life (without going into detail) just to learn what I could, and to teach me how to be the best parent I could be for my boys. And any other children that enter my life. And so that is how I went about my life... just trust.

Well I am losing my trust, it has been waivering for awhile now... but more and more recently. I have no more faith in God, he is not helping us, it is really all up to us to handle. Maybe he will be there after this life on earth but he sure as hell is not here now.

I watch my life with my problems, he has not been assisting. My sister, how much can one person really handle? I have been so amazed with her and how strong she has been with all that has been put on her. But yesterday she hit her breaking point. This is it, and I can not stand to see her like this. There is nothing I can do to help her but listen. No way for me to help or fix any of it. And it is all just wrong... just someone wanting attention at anothers expense. I am pissed, and honestly extremely hurt.
We have followed the rules, we have helped everyone we could, even to our own detriment. So why? There can't possibly be a greater good in this situation. Everything I have trusted my whole life is crap, and I have no clue where to go from here.

Painted Hills

Okay twofer :) I not only posted (michelle :)) I also added some of the pics I said i would show ya. How is that for killing two birds with a post. These were all taken at the Painted Hills on a hike last week.

ANDREW

My brown eyed baby boy :) He has always been a mature child, some say an old soul. Never the type to run and get dirty, I still talk him into it somehow. Guess he has always been soo grown up. But now that he is 14 (wow) I guess it is time that I need to let him be grown up. Well more so anyhow, not quit totally yet. Just want to hold on to him forever, as he will always be my brown eyed baby boy :)

Finally

We finally got back up to our hiking area yesterday :) I feel so much better today I swear. Just gotta have that bit of nature in our lives. The dogs had a blast, as usual. Well Bear was a bit tentative at first. Probably afraid we would ditch him up there like the others did. And Bit Bit was not too found of the icy mud, so I got covered in it til I finally carried her. Over all it was a beautiful day :)

BRANDON

My baby boy :) It is amazing how fast they grow. If only I could turn back the clock and go through it all over again. He is an amazing child, and I feel blessed every year that he is mine.

Happy 12th Birthday Brandon :)